March 2013
The Passion
Pace of Life
Introduction:
During the last period, past months and years I did my last entry, so
many things happened to me. So many people crossed my path, that I started
searching for something, that little something to write on, a subject about the
people who fascinates me, encourage me, hurts me and just in general. Then I
thought of my blog’s Afrikaans name: “passiepas” and not sure in what the
correct translation is, I decided to translate if freely and directly from
Afrikaans to English as the current topic namely The Passion Pace of Life.
Going through my previous entries, experiences and feelings I realized
how much I’ve changed and the need for people to find themselves, and this is
where my message starts. To understand exactly what I meant and in what I’m
about to say, one might find it necessary/helpful to read all the older posts
first before continue reading. (You might need a translator as well)
A few days ago, in prior conversation of about a month with this guy, we
decided to meet for lunch. With an excitement in meeting him, I was quite
disappointed in my expectations when I met him from eye to eye, and not to see
the person whom I expected to meet as from the photo he sent me....yes, photos
do lie and so do people! Please I am not judgemental, but realized, except for
this person’s polite and non pretending personality, this would only be a pure
friendship and nothing else. Yes, this was a blind date... (with no chemical
reaction or “click” oh whatever....?). Besides he is nine years older than
myself, and I don’t think I’m prepared to share the remainder of my life with
an old man, being his nurse and guardian....just for the reason that I still
have far too much energy and things I want to do before retiring.
Before we met, he told me of a book he is busy writing and sent me the first chapter’s to read. Of course I didn’t have a chance to start reading the book before we met and it never came up in our conversation during our date. After the date we left off, each our own separate directions, letting him know that he will be nothing more than a dear friend, upon which he was not happy. Thus I decided to start reading this “book” of his. All I can tell is that the topic and subject of his book is not unique, it is not a fairytale, no romance, no thriller, no comic, but rather something between a science fiction, historical and future period with issues in between. This is when I recognized the topic I was searching for all the time.
Getting to the 4th chapter of his book, I noticed here is no
story, no nothing, starting reading deeper, behind the phrases, looking deeper
in what this person is trying to tell, I discovered there is something more
about this person surfacing to the surface as he goes on in his “book”. .......I
skipped all the other chapters, reading the 9th and 10th
chapters (he only sent me the first 10 chapters of his “book” and he is still
writing on it. (Wondering if he was trying to tell me something about the Ten
Commandments?) which only confirms what I’ve noticed in this person. This is
where the friendship ends as well, as he turned out to start being annoying and
pestering me for reasons not worth mentioning. I’ve stopped all communication
with him and delete him from all my contacts and applications.
Part II:
Realizing deep inside each and every person there lays something
mysterious, something everyone is seeking for and something they need. The emptiness
of all the men I’ve met before...(like Julius Iglesias song – in my case just
men - “To all the girls I loved before”) in a phase of my life, extremely
vulnerable after a divorce from 21 years of marriage, and the death of my ex
husband after a month’s divorce. Certainly it hurt, surely it was painful,
definitely it was traumatic and surely I was left out there alone on my own, and
left in the dark to keep standing, fighting for a place in life to carry on.
Thus is where this last date brings me. Realizing people are dreamers, which are good, wishing to be in places where there is only peace, love, happiness, joy and faith. Unfortunately, the discovery I made here and throughout all my “blind dates” is: People refuse to make peace with changes in life, changes in the modern world, and changes in almost every aspect of living. Refuse to accept when bad things happen in our lives. Creating a type of hatred towards others without noticing their own dark hole they carry themselves in. Refuse in accepting things which happens to them, to forgive not only themselves, but also those who caused the pain. Now that is when things like this inner “darkness” surface to the surface, restraining them from peace, love and happiness. Keep on going back to the pass in hoping and dreaming for things that could have been and never might be.
You might be thinking by now, oh what crap is this again? We’ve heard
these sorts of stories over and over and over. But have you ever looked at
yourself in the mirror and wondering how do other people see you? Have you ever
thought of it, the reactions and feedbacks of people is the mirror of your
reflection? It is so easy for someone to fall into self-pity, depression,
hopelessness, not seeing what lies ahead, not seeing where they are going, not
knowing the Lord whom is always with us, beside us, in control and on the road
with us.
Part III:
Why always going for the good, bigger and nice things? Or assume nothing
ever bad will happen to you... Not liking what you hear? Who likes to hear what
they don’t want to hear? We only like to hear what we want to hear. Why don’t
we start listening to those things we don’t want to hear? Yes, I
did highlight listening, because, that is mostly the main cause to failure in
any situation / relationship. There is a difference between hear and
listen...you hear something but you don’t listen.....you’ve got it?
I went
through many and plenty situation like this, my marriage, friend/s relations,
my career, family, etc. Eventually when I starts to listen and not just hear, I
had the realization of who I really am and the questions arise who were I,
where am I and where am I going to. Recognize something about yourself in this?
This is also where I’ve realized that inner happiness, love and peace, does not
necessarily needs to come from a person or something materialistic, but from
your inner self, how you react and what you reflect to the outside.
Part IV:
Have you
ever thought about the tramp on the street what he/she is thinking when looking
at people and begging whilst they passing by? (Perhaps he/she thinks, how silly
these people are, doing all this bad things to themselves, worries, money,
arguments, stress, illnesses, sicknesses,
etc. Oh shame poor rich people....selfish and self centered.) Have you
ever wondered where he/she came from? What went wrong in their lives? Now I’m
talking about the real true tramps, not the fake ones as we get fake people
everywhere nowadays, in every profession, in every place, everywhere. Perhaps your life might be fake as well?
Living in places of glass? Living with lies, dishonesty,
unfaithfulness....etc.?
Yeah, ok,
maybe it is due to their own actions as well, but how many of those trampous
circumstances are due to another person’s reflections / actions or even one’s
own? Just think about it, how you feel when someone swears/shout or whatever,
throws something at you, for who’s benefit? What are your actions / reflections
towards the people around you and to the world outside that little private personal
space? Yes, we all do need that little private personal space sometimes, but for how long, how far? Isn’t this maybe the
reason for becoming self centered and selfish? Building a selfesteemed world of
your own...
What do you
do with those things life throws at you? Depression? Self-pity? Suicide?
Trauma? Divorce?...you swim pappie, you swim!, you start learning to swim! If
you are left with enough strength, faith and hope, you SWIM! Only then when you acknowledge and
admit your mistakes, your own weaknesses, only then you get out of the water,
crawls and walk again.
NO man of human kind will help you to get out of the
mud but only you, yourself, your hope and faith in our Saviour and Lord, Jesus
Christ. Yourself, your faith and trust
in God the Almighty is the only way
out in decision making taking the right steps in the right direction towards
love, peace, freedom and happiness. And if you are lucky, you might find some support from real friends or even strangers you never expected it from.
Using the
tramp again as an example. This is the richest person on earth, not even Bill
Gates can compare with him. Now you asking how come? Why?..I tell you because
this “tramp” is following the Lord, maybe not, but this “tramp” is part of God’s
creation, Jesus follower, because “tramp” stood back for others in all
humbleness, lost everything and prepared to take on the streets of pain,
trauma, rejection, etc. “tramp” turned his other cheek towards the world. “tramp”
still belief in our Saviour, our Lord to foreseen for each and every moment and
day in their lives. Now that makes him/her the richest
person on earth.
There is
some part of the “tramp” to be find in everyone of us. Or are we still sobbing on losses and things
of the past? One cannot serve if one cannot projected away from him/herself. One
cannot serve if you say you are a christian and does not believe. One cannot
serve if you are not prepared to left behind and trust in God. One cannot serve
and follow Him if you cannot be patient and willing to wait for His Will in
your life. One cannot serve and follow if you are self centered living on your
own island and still thinks you believe. One cannot serve
if you keep on walking the wide road instead of the narrow road.
So many are
saying they believe, they are christians. Are they really? How can one be a
christian / believe if he/she thinks he/she can serve Him and other christians the
way they wanted to?
Once
realizing the inner self, the crawling begin, the discovery of faith, hope,
trust and forgiveness to stand up and to hold to is the ONE and ONLY, BEGINNING
AND END, ALFA AND OMEGA - GOD THE ALMIGHTY, HEAVENLY FATHER, SON AND HOLY
SPIRIT.
Getting
projected away from one self in going forward and getting to walk again, takes
courage, trust, forgiveness, faith, hope, love and inner peace. Inner peace
from inside you. When nothing hurts anymore, when only memories last, then one will be ready to build
faith again, learn to trust, gaining patience to wait and kneeling in prayer,
the anchors towards the first steps in walking again.
Know
that, realize that, take a look to those around you....the discovery you make might come to you as a
pleasant surprise. Open up, reach out for that dream of hope, love and peace
through our Saviour, reach out to the “tramp”. Stop hiding, stop
sobbing, stop cherishing the past! You are still here, hope and faith exists
because God exists and with HIM beside your side, there is no
obstacle anymore to overcome and then, only then you are ready to serve in honesty,
trust, faith, prayer and giving in His
Kingdom.
May God
bless us all with His continuous
presence so we can became His servants
to all “tramps” in adhering and obeying His
Will.
