The Passion Pace of Life
All my previous entries were in Afrikaans, my mother tongue language, but for some reason I decided to do this entry in English, my second language. Do pardon me if my tenses and English are not to the standard that you expected to be, hoping to bring over, and express the message I want to transfer to all audiences.
During the last period, past months and years I did my last entry, so many things happened to me. So many people crossed my path, that I started searching for something, that little something to write on, a subject about the people who fascinates me, encourage me, hurts me and just in general. Then I thought of my blog’s Afrikaans name: “passiepas” and not sure in what the correct translation is, I decided to translate if freely and directly from Afrikaans to English as the current topic namely The Passion Pace of Life.
Going through my previous entries, experiences and feelings I realized how much I’ve changed and the need for people to find themselves, and this is where my message starts. To understand exactly what I meant and in what I’m about to say, one might find it necessary/helpful to read all the older posts first before continue reading. (You might need a translator as well)
A few days ago, in prior conversation of about a month with this guy, we decided to meet for lunch. With an excitement in meeting him, I was quite disappointed in my expectations when I met him from eye to eye, and not to see the person whom I expected to meet as from the photo he sent me....yes, photos do lie and so do people! Please I am not judgemental, but realized, except for this person’s polite and non pretending personality, this would only be a pure friendship and nothing else. Yes, this was a blind date... (with no chemical reaction or “click” oh whatever....?). Besides he is nine years older than myself, and I don’t think I’m prepared to share the remainder of my life with an old man, being his nurse and guardian....just for the reason that I still have far too much energy and things I want to do before retiring.
Before we met, he told me of a book he is busy writing and sent me the first chapter’s to read. Of course I didn’t have a chance to start reading the book before we met and it never came up in our conversation during our date. After the date we left off, each our own separate directions, letting him know that he will be nothing more than a dear friend, upon which he was not happy. Thus I decided to start reading this “book” of his. All I can tell is that the topic and subject of his book is not unique, it is not a fairytale, no romance, no thriller, no comic, but rather something between a science fiction, historical and future period with issues in between. This is when I recognized the topic I was searching for all the time.
Getting to the 4th chapter of his book, I noticed here is no story, no nothing, starting reading deeper, behind the phrases, looking deeper in what this person is trying to tell, I discovered there is something more about this person surfacing to the surface as he goes on in his “book”. .......I skipped all the other chapters, reading the 9th and 10th chapters (he only sent me the first 10 chapters of his “book” and he is still writing on it. (Wondering if he was trying to tell me something about the Ten Commandments?) which only confirms what I’ve noticed in this person. This is where the friendship ends as well, as he turned out to start being annoying and pestering me for reasons not worth mentioning. I’ve stopped all communication with him and delete him from all my contacts and applications.
Realizing deep inside each and every person there lays something mysterious, something everyone is seeking for and something they need. The emptiness of all the men I’ve met before...(like Julius Iglesias song – in my case just men - “To all the girls I loved before”) in a phase of my life, extremely vulnerable after a divorce from 21 years of marriage, and the death of my ex husband after a month’s divorce. Certainly it hurt, surely it was painful, definitely it was traumatic and surely I was left out there alone on my own, and left in the dark to keep standing, fighting for a place in life to carry on.
Thus is where this last date brings me. Realizing people are dreamers, which are good, wishing to be in places where there is only peace, love, happiness, joy and faith. Unfortunately, the discovery I made here and throughout all my “blind dates” is: People refuse to make peace with changes in life, changes in the modern world, and changes in almost every aspect of living. Refuse to accept when bad things happen in our lives. Creating a type of hatred towards others without noticing their own dark hole they carry themselves in. Refuse in accepting things which happens to them, to forgive not only themselves, but also those who caused the pain. Now that is when things like this inner “darkness” surface to the surface, restraining them from peace, love and happiness. Keep on going back to the pass in hoping and dreaming for things that could have been and never might be.
You might be thinking by now, oh what crap is this again? We’ve heard these sorts of stories over and over and over. But have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and wondering how do other people see you? Have you ever thought of it, the reactions and feedbacks of people is the mirror of your reflection? It is so easy for someone to fall into self-pity, depression, hopelessness, not seeing what lies ahead, not seeing where they are going, not knowing the Lord whom is always with us, beside us, in control and on the road with us.
Why always going for the good, bigger and nice things? Or assume nothing ever bad will happen to you... Not liking what you hear? Who likes to hear what they don’t want to hear? We only like to hear what we want to hear. Why don’t we start listening to those things we don’t want to hear? Yes, I did highlight listening, because, that is mostly the main cause to failure in any situation / relationship. There is a difference between hear and listen...you hear something but you don’t listen.....you’ve got it?
Nobody wants to be told how bad or how wrong they are, but we are quick to tell others how wrong or bad they are. Remember the mirror reflection? The proverb/s: The one finger you points to other, the five that is pointing back to you? (Something in that manner) or look for the mote in another's eye and not seeing the beam in your own eye (?).
I went through many and plenty situation like this, my marriage, friend/s relations, my career, family, etc. Eventually when I starts to listen and not just hear, I had the realization of who I really am and the questions arise who were I, where am I and where am I going to. Recognize something about yourself in this? This is also where I’ve realized that inner happiness, love and peace, does not necessarily needs to come from a person or something materialistic, but from your inner self, how you react and what you reflect to the outside.
This is where the journey with a passion pace of life begins. The moment you starts to know yourself, when you are alone, rejected and forgotten (or you think you are, you are never alone, never, never ever. Lonesome maybe, yes but never alone because the Almighty Lord and our Saviour are always with us.). Even if you never think so.
Have you ever thought about the tramp on the street what he/she is thinking when looking at people and begging whilst they passing by? (Perhaps he/she thinks, how silly these people are, doing all this bad things to themselves, worries, money, arguments, stress, illnesses, sicknesses, etc. Oh shame poor rich people....selfish and self centered.) Have you ever wondered where he/she came from? What went wrong in their lives? Now I’m talking about the real true tramps, not the fake ones as we get fake people everywhere nowadays, in every profession, in every place, everywhere. Perhaps your life might be fake as well? Living in places of glass? Living with lies, dishonesty, unfaithfulness....etc.?
Yeah, ok, maybe it is due to their own actions as well, but how many of those trampous circumstances are due to another person’s reflections / actions or even one’s own? Just think about it, how you feel when someone swears/shout or whatever, throws something at you, for who’s benefit? What are your actions / reflections towards the people around you and to the world outside that little private personal space? Yes, we all do need that little private personal space sometimes, but for how long, how far? Isn’t this maybe the reason for becoming self centered and selfish? Building a selfesteemed world of your own...
What do you do with those things life throws at you? Depression? Self-pity? Suicide? Trauma? Divorce?...you swim pappie, you swim!, you start learning to swim! If you are left with enough strength, faith and hope, you SWIM! Only then when you acknowledge and admit your mistakes, your own weaknesses, only then you get out of the water, crawls and walk again.
NO man of human kind will help you to get out of the mud but only you, yourself, your hope and faith in our Saviour and Lord, Jesus Christ. Yourself, your faith and trust in God the Almighty is the only way out in decision making taking the right steps in the right direction towards love, peace, freedom and happiness. And if you are lucky, you might find some support from real friends or even strangers you never expected it from.
Using the tramp again as an example. This is the richest person on earth, not even Bill Gates can compare with him. Now you asking how come? Why?..I tell you because this “tramp” is following the Lord, maybe not, but this “tramp” is part of God’s creation, Jesus follower, because “tramp” stood back for others in all humbleness, lost everything and prepared to take on the streets of pain, trauma, rejection, etc. “tramp” turned his other cheek towards the world. “tramp” still belief in our Saviour, our Lord to foreseen for each and every moment and day in their lives. Now that makes him/her the richest person on earth.
There is some part of the “tramp” to be find in everyone of us. Or are we still sobbing on losses and things of the past? One cannot serve if one cannot projected away from him/herself. One cannot serve if you say you are a christian and does not believe. One cannot serve if you are not prepared to left behind and trust in God. One cannot serve and follow Him if you cannot be patient and willing to wait for His Will in your life. One cannot serve and follow if you are self centered living on your own island and still thinks you believe. One cannot serve if you keep on walking the wide road instead of the narrow road.
So many are saying they believe, they are christians. Are they really? How can one be a christian / believe if he/she thinks he/she can serve Him and other christians the way they wanted to?
Once realizing the inner self, the crawling begin, the discovery of faith, hope, trust and forgiveness to stand up and to hold to is the ONE and ONLY, BEGINNING AND END, ALFA AND OMEGA - GOD THE ALMIGHTY, HEAVENLY FATHER, SON AND HOLY SPIRIT.
Getting projected away from one self in going forward and getting to walk again, takes courage, trust, forgiveness, faith, hope, love and inner peace. Inner peace from inside you. When nothing hurts anymore, when only memories last, then one will be ready to build faith again, learn to trust, gaining patience to wait and kneeling in prayer, the anchors towards the first steps in walking again.
Acknowledgement in faith of your Heavenly Father without any doubt, one will always remain in deep dependency on our Creator, God the Father, the Son and Holy Spirit. He who foresees, He who wrote your name in His handpalms, He who knows you by the name and He who pick you up and carries you everytime you fall. Because HE said: I AM
Know that, realize that, take a look to those around you....the discovery you make might come to you as a pleasant surprise. Open up, reach out for that dream of hope, love and peace through our Saviour, reach out to the “tramp”. Stop hiding, stop sobbing, stop cherishing the past! You are still here, hope and faith exists because God exists and with HIM beside your side, there is no obstacle anymore to overcome and then, only then you are ready to serve in honesty, trust, faith, prayer and giving in His Kingdom.
May God bless us all with His continuous presence so we can became His servants to all “tramps” in adhering and obeying His Will.